Difference between revisions of "Transcript:Proposition Infinity"
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|for=Proposition Infinity | |for=Proposition Infinity | ||
|written by=[[Michael Rowe]] | |written by=[[Michael Rowe]] | ||
|credit= [[User:Teyrn of Highever|Teyrn of Highever]] | |credit=[[User:Kifcroaker|Kifcroaker]]<br>[[User:Teyrn of Highever|Teyrn of Highever]] | ||
|prev ep=Attack of the Killer App | |prev ep=Attack of the Killer App | ||
|next ep=The Duh-Vinci Code | |next ep=The Duh-Vinci Code | ||
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:''[Opening Credits: Dictated But Not Read.]'' | :''[Opening Credits: Dictated But Not Read.]'' | ||
:''['''Scene:''' [[Amy's apartment]] [[Kif]] and [[Amy]] are watching Channel √2 News.]'' | :''['''Scene:''' [[Amy's apartment]]. [[Kif]] and [[Amy]] are watching [[Channel √2 News]].]'' | ||
:'''[[Linda]]''': ''[on TV]'' We now go live to our eye-in-the-sky hovercopter on the scene of that terrible hovercopter crash. Jim? | :'''[[Linda]]''': ''[on TV]'' We now go live to our eye-in-the-sky hovercopter on the scene of that terrible hovercopter crash. Jim? | ||
:'''[[Jim]]''' ''[on TV]'' ''[Still in the burning hovercopter.]'' The scene is not good, Linda. I've just learned that my last words were: back to you, Linda. | :'''[[Jim]]''' ''[on TV]'' ''[Still in the burning hovercopter.]'' The scene is not good, Linda. I've just learned that my last words were: back to you, Linda. | ||
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:'''Kif''': You know full well that I am more closely related to the {{w|sea cucumber}}. | :'''Kif''': You know full well that I am more closely related to the {{w|sea cucumber}}. | ||
:'''Amy''': Not where it counts. | :'''Amy''': Not where it counts. | ||
:'''[[Morbo]]''': ''[on TV]'' I hated Jim! In other news, our city's urine-soaked walls have been desicrated by a mysterious tile-work graffiti artist. | :'''[[Morbo]]''': ''[on TV]'' I hated Jim! In other news, [[Proposition Infinity#Goofs|our city]]'s urine-soaked walls have been desicrated by a mysterious tile-work graffiti artist. | ||
:'''Linda''': ''[on TV]'' Police have not idea who is behind this innovative scourge of public art | :'''Linda''': ''[on TV]'' [[New New York Police Department|Police]] have not idea who is behind this innovative scourge of public art. | ||
:''[On the TV, an example of the graffiti is shown. It looks like Bender]'' | :''[On the TV, an example of the graffiti is shown. It looks like Bender]'' | ||
:''['''Scene: New New York street. Bender is lowering himself using cables. | :''['''Scene: New New York street. Bender is lowering himself using cables. | ||
:'''[[Bender]]''' ''[He chuckles maliciously and spreads grout onto a wall. He then makes a tile version of his head]'' That is one sexy bridge abutment. | :'''[[Bender]]''' ''[He chuckles maliciously and spreads grout onto a wall. He then makes a tile version of his head]'' That is one sexy bridge abutment. | ||
:''[Time lapse. Bender is putting tile graffiti in various places. A hoverbus stop, Nixon's | :''[Time lapse. Bender is putting tile graffiti in various places. A hoverbus stop, a [[Richard Nixon's head|Richard Nixon]] "Despair" poster (parodying the {{w|Barack Obama "Hope" poster}}) and a [[Tube Transport System|tube transport station]]. At a freeway, Bender graffitis part of a sign so that it now reads "Free Corn" instead of "Freeway Ends At Corner"]'' | ||
:'''[[Hyper-Chicken]]''': Free corn? That'll suit me just fine. ''[He crashes his hovercar and crows loudly]'' | :'''[[Hyper-Chicken]]''': Free corn? That'll suit me just fine. ''[He crashes his [[hovercar]] and crows loudly]'' | ||
:''[Bender is still putting graffiti on various buildings.]'' | :''[Bender is still putting graffiti on various buildings.]'' | ||
:'''Bender''': The key is knowing precisely where to strike. ''[The last building turns out to be URL's back]'' Oops | :'''Bender''': The key is knowing precisely where to strike. ''[The last building turns out to be URL's back]'' Oops! | ||
:'''[[URL]]''': Well, well. Time to beat him his rights. ''[He and | :'''[[URL]]''': Well, well. Time to beat him his rights. ''[He and Smitty take out their lightsabers and being hitting Bender.]'' | ||
:'''Smitty''': You know, that don't look half bad on your buttocks. | :'''[[Smitty]]''': You know, that don't look half bad on your buttocks. | ||
:'''URL''': It does kinda class-up the place. | :'''URL''': It does kinda class-up the place. | ||
:''[Pan over the streets of New New York. A clock nearby changes from 3:59 to 4:00]'' | :''[Pan over the streets of New New York. A clock nearby changes from 3:59 to 4:00]'' | ||
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:''['''Scene:''' Amy's apartment]'' | :''['''Scene:''' Amy's apartment]'' | ||
:'''Amy''': We've been arguing all night, Kif. Can't we go to bed? | :'''Amy''': We've been arguing all night, Kif. Can't we go to bed? | ||
:'''Kif''': Is that all you ever think about? I'm not just some piece of tofu, Amy. I need to know where we stand in | :'''Kif''': Is that all you ever think about? I'm not just some piece of tofu, Amy. I need to know where we stand in [[Kif-Amy relationship|our relationship]]. | ||
:'''Amy''': We're just going through a rough patch. | :'''Amy''': We're just going through a rough patch. | ||
:'''Kif''': It is not a patch. It's been ages, according to your wildly inappropriate "Hunk of the Month" calender. | :'''Kif''': It is not a patch. It's been ages, according to your wildly inappropriate "Hunk of the Month" calender. | ||
:''[He points to a calender with a male model wearing only a pair of briefs and holding a saxophone]]] | :''[He points to a calender with a male model wearing only a pair of briefs and holding a saxophone]]] | ||
:'''Todd''': Thanks, babe. Also, today is Canadian Independence Day. ''[He plays a tune]'' | :'''[[Todd]]''': Thanks, babe. Also, today is Canadian Independence Day. ''[He plays a tune]'' | ||
:''[Burping is heard. The phone displays an incoming call sign''] | :''[Burping is heard. The phone displays an incoming call sign''] | ||
:'''Amy''': Oh, that's Bender's ringtone. I recognize the smell. Hello? ''[Bender's picture is displayed over the phone]'' | :'''Amy''': Oh, that's Bender's ringtone. I recognize the smell. Hello? ''[Bender's picture is displayed over the phone]'' | ||
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:'''Bender''': ''Yeah, you do. You know that floor safe where you keep 10 grand? There's 5 grand in there. Don't make me wait!'' | :'''Bender''': ''Yeah, you do. You know that floor safe where you keep 10 grand? There's 5 grand in there. Don't make me wait!'' | ||
:''['''Scene:''' [[Will Riker's Island]], prison interior. Bender, Roberto and other criminals are in a cell.]'' | :''['''Scene:''' [[Will Riker's Island]], prison interior. Bender, Roberto and other criminals are in a cell.]'' | ||
:'''[[Roberto]]''': ''[He walks up to Bender. He is holding a sock]'' Hey, Bender. Ever kill a man with a sock? It | :'''[[Roberto]]''': ''[He walks up to Bender. He is holding a sock]'' Hey, Bender. Ever kill a man with a sock? It ain't so hard. Ha-HAA. ''[He stabs at Bender]'' | ||
:'''Bender''': I better carve a shiv for protection. ''[He pulls out a stick and a switchblade. He starts whittling down the stick into a crude knife]'' | :'''Bender''': I better carve a shiv for protection. ''[He pulls out a stick and a switchblade. He starts whittling down the stick into a crude knife]'' | ||
:'''URL''': ''[He opens the cell door. Kif and Amy are with him.]'' Rodríguez! These two brothers bailed your ass out. | :'''URL''': ''[He opens the cell door. Kif and Amy are with him.]'' Rodríguez! These two brothers bailed your ass out. | ||
:'''Bender''': Oh! Thank God. ''[He hugs Kif, causing his head to inflate]'' Tell me, have things changed on the outside. Is food finally in pill form? What about pills? Are they in food form? | :'''Bender''': Oh! Thank God. ''[He hugs Kif, causing his head to inflate]'' Tell me, have things changed on the outside. Is food finally in pill form? What about pills? Are they in food form? | ||
:'''Larry''': ''[To Amy]'' Hey, hot stuff. I'm Larry | :'''[[Larry the Murder Burglar]]''': ''[To Amy]'' Hey, hot stuff. I'm Larry the Murder Burglar. | ||
:'''Amy''': Hi, Larry. I like your tattoos. | :'''Amy''': Hi, Larry. I like your tattoos. | ||
:'''Kif''': Amy, that man's a criminal! | :'''Kif''': Amy, that man's a criminal! | ||
:'''Amy''': I was just checking out his tats. ''[She looks at a tattoo of Larry jumping out of a house window then lighting it with a molotov cocktail. It explodes.]'' Sneato! I have one of my mom. Wanna see? | :'''Amy''': I was just checking out his tats. ''[She looks at a tattoo of Larry jumping out of a house window then lighting it with a molotov cocktail. It explodes.]'' Sneato! I have one of my mom. Wanna see? | ||
:'''Larry''': Sure. | :'''Larry the Murder Burglar''': Sure. | ||
:''[Amy shows him the tattoo on her butt. Kif stutters incoherently.]'' | :''[Amy shows him the tattoo on her butt. Kif stutters incoherently.]'' | ||
:''[A clerk is handing Bender back everything that was confiscated from him: a hat, a full roast chicken and an accordion]'' | :''[A clerk is handing Bender back everything that was confiscated from him: a hat, a full roast chicken and an accordion]'' | ||
:'''Kif''': ''[To Amy]'' I just don't understand why you have to flirt with every bad boy in sight. | :'''Kif''': ''[To Amy]'' I just don't understand why you have to flirt with every bad boy in sight. | ||
:'''Amy''': Quit exaggerating. | :'''Amy''': Quit exaggerating. | ||
:''[A criminal that Smitty and | :''[A criminal that Smitty and URL are escorting gets loose. He steals a lightsaber and holds it to Amy's throat.]'' | ||
:'''Criminal''': Nobody move, or sweet cheeks here gets it! | :'''Criminal''': Nobody move, or sweet cheeks here gets it! | ||
:'''Amy''': ''[Giggling]'' Oh! You're bad! | :'''Amy''': ''[Giggling]'' Oh! You're bad! | ||
:'''URL''': ''[He performs the Vulcan Neck Pinch on the criminal]'' Momma said, Spock you out! | :'''URL''': ''[He performs the Vulcan Neck Pinch on the criminal]'' Momma said, Spock you out! | ||
:'''Kif''': That's it Amy. Pardon my language but I have had it with you ruffling my petticoats. You and I are through. ''[He walks off. Amy looks heartbroken.]'' | :'''Kif''': That's it, Amy. Pardon my language, but I have had it with you ruffling my petticoats. You and I are through. ''[He walks off. Amy looks heartbroken.]'' | ||
:'''Bender''': ''[He is holding the accordion.]'' Aw! Here's a little song I wrote to cheer you up. It's called, ''[singing]'' Let's go already! | :'''Bender''': ''[He is holding the accordion.]'' Aw! Here's a little song I wrote to cheer you up. It's called, ''[singing]'' Let's go already! | ||
:''['''Scene:''' Forbidden Planet Hollywood. Where tourists come to mingle with tourists]'' | :''['''Scene:''' [[Forbidden Planet Hollywood]]. Where tourists come to mingle with tourists]'' | ||
:''[Pan over the various exhibits, from {{sw|Chewbacca|Chewbacca's}} feet to {{w|Iron Man|Iron Man's}} underpants, {{w|Elvis|Elvis'}} pelvis and [[Calculon|Calculon's]] agent.]'' | :''[Pan over the various exhibits, from {{sw|Chewbacca|Chewbacca's}} feet to {{w|Iron Man|Iron Man's}} underpants, {{w|Elvis|Elvis'}} pelvis and [[Calculon|Calculon's]] agent.]'' | ||
:''[Bender, [[Fry]], [[Leela]] and Amy are seated at a table]'' | :''[Bender, [[Fry]], [[Leela]] and Amy are seated at a table]'' | ||
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:'''Bender''': You're damn right. And, before you ask, this is mine too. ''[He opens his chest cabinet revealing {{w|Lassie}}. She barks]'' | :'''Bender''': You're damn right. And, before you ask, this is mine too. ''[He opens his chest cabinet revealing {{w|Lassie}}. She barks]'' | ||
:'''Fry''': Tough break, Amy. Are you and Kif getting divorced? | :'''Fry''': Tough break, Amy. Are you and Kif getting divorced? | ||
:'''Amy''': No. Technically we were [[Coinage#F| | :'''Amy''': No. Technically we were [[Coinage#F|Fonfon rus]], so we weren't really married. | ||
:'''Bender''': Wow! The interesting thing about that is ''[He starts snoring]'' | :'''Bender''': Wow! The interesting thing about that is ''[He starts snoring]'' | ||
:'''Leela''': So, Amy, how can I phrase this delicately? Why did Kif dump you like a sack of yesterday's turds? | :'''Leela''': So, Amy, how can I phrase this delicately? Why did Kif dump you like a sack of yesterday's turds? | ||
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:'''Amy''': ''[In bed with Bender]'' That was great. | :'''Amy''': ''[In bed with Bender]'' That was great. | ||
:'''Bender''': Shut up. ''[Amy climbs on top of him and they start kissing]'' Come over here. | :'''Bender''': Shut up. ''[Amy climbs on top of him and they start kissing]'' Come over here. | ||
:''['''Scene:''' Tube | :''['''Scene:''' Tube Transport System. Bender and Amy are talking]'' | ||
:'''Amy''' Remember, love between a human and a robot is taboo. ''[She takes a brush from Bender's cabinet and fixes her hair.]'' We can't tell anyone, not even our co-workers. | :'''Amy''' Remember, love between a [[human]] and a [[robot]] is taboo. ''[She takes a brush from Bender's cabinet and fixes her hair.]'' We can't tell anyone, not even our co-workers. | ||
:'''Bender''': Got it. I'll show the utmost discretion as we get nasty in this glass tube. ''[They begin kissing]'' | :'''Bender''': Got it. I'll show the utmost discretion as we get nasty in this glass tube. ''[They begin kissing]'' | ||
:''['''Scene:''' Planet Express Meeting room. The [[Planet Express Crew|crew]] is sitting around the table. Hermes looks sick]'' | :''['''Scene:''' Planet Express Meeting room. The [[Planet Express Crew|crew]] is sitting around the table. Hermes looks sick]'' | ||
:'''[[Hermes]]''': I think I'm coming down with | :'''[[Hermes]]''': I think I'm coming down with [[circusitis]]. ''[He sneezes and his face gets traditional clown fare: make-up, rainbow wig, and rubber nose.]]'' | ||
:'''Leela''': I thought | :'''Leela''': I thought circusitis only affected children. | ||
:'''Hermes''': Children of all ages. | :'''Hermes''': Children of all ages. | ||
:'''[[Zoidberg]]''': Bender, old friend. What's on your face? | :'''[[Zoidberg]]''': Bender, old friend. What's on your face? | ||
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:'''Fry''': I only brought it up because Bender is wearing them. | :'''Fry''': I only brought it up because Bender is wearing them. | ||
:'''Bender''': ''[He clears his throat]'' Uh, I stole them from her. Yeah, that's it, call the cops. | :'''Bender''': ''[He clears his throat]'' Uh, I stole them from her. Yeah, that's it, call the cops. | ||
:'''Hermes''': Oh my swollen feet. ''He takes his feet out of the tub of water. They have turned into clown shoes]'' I better take my pills. ''[He opens the container and rubber springs fly out]'' | :'''Hermes''': Oh, my swollen feet. ''He takes his feet out of the tub of water. They have turned into clown shoes]'' I better take my pills. ''[He opens the container and rubber springs fly out]'' | ||
:''['''Scene:''' NNY street]'' | :''['''Scene:''' NNY street]'' | ||
:'''Bender''': Amy, I reckon sweet talk don't come natural to me, but of everyone I've ever dated, you are probably in the top ten. | :'''Bender''': Amy, I reckon sweet talk don't come natural to me, but of everyone I've ever dated, you are probably in the top ten. | ||
:'''Amy''': Aw, you always say just the wrong thing in just the right way. ''[They kiss]'' | :'''Amy''': Aw, you always say just the wrong thing in just the right way. ''[They kiss]'' | ||
:'''[[Preacherbot]]''': Sinners! Robosexuality is an abomination! | :'''[[Preacherbot]]''': Sinners! [[Robosexuality]] is an abomination! | ||
:'''Bender''': Oy, this guy. | :'''Bender''': Oy, this guy. | ||
:'''Preacherbot''': The good book sayeth a robot shall not lie down with a human, nor do it standing up, nor any angle in between. | :'''Preacherbot''': The good book sayeth a robot shall not lie down with a human, nor do it standing up, nor any angle in between. | ||
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:'''Leela''': How is that? ''[She gets zapped by the prod and screams]'' | :'''Leela''': How is that? ''[She gets zapped by the prod and screams]'' | ||
:'''Farnsworth:''': Get out there! | :'''Farnsworth:''': Get out there! | ||
:''['''Scene:''' Planet Tornadus. The | :''['''Scene:''' [[Planet Tornadus]]. The crew are situated around a tornado. They are using jet packs and a device to extract the tornado.]'' | ||
:'''Leela''': | :'''Leela''': Is everybody in position? | ||
:'''Amy''': What? | :'''Amy''': What? | ||
:'''Zoidberg''': Is someone talking? | :'''Zoidberg''': Is someone talking? | ||
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:'''Zoidberg''': I'm ready for the countdown. | :'''Zoidberg''': I'm ready for the countdown. | ||
:'''Leela''': I'm not hearing anyone! Abort mission! | :'''Leela''': I'm not hearing anyone! Abort mission! | ||
:'''Fry''': She said Go! | :'''Fry''': She said, "Go!" | ||
:''[Everyone begins shooting wildly at the tornado.]'' | :''[Everyone begins shooting wildly at the tornado.]'' | ||
:''['''Scene:''' Planet Express Ship basement]'' | :''['''Scene:''' Planet Express Ship basement]'' | ||
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:'''Fry''': And that's Bender's hat from the Player's ball! | :'''Fry''': And that's Bender's hat from the Player's ball! | ||
:'''Hermes''': Sweet tornadoes of Barbados! Bender and Amy have been torn to shreds! | :'''Hermes''': Sweet tornadoes of Barbados! Bender and Amy have been torn to shreds! | ||
:'''Farnsworth''': [He presses a few more buttons and more of Bender's and Amy's things appear in the whirlwind.]'' Oh, the humanity! Also | :'''Farnsworth''': [He presses a few more buttons and more of Bender's and Amy's things appear in the whirlwind.]'' Oh, the humanity! Also Bender! | ||
:'''Amy''': ''[The whirlwind whips faster revealing Bender and Amy. The tornado stops and they fall to the floor, still kissing.]'' Uh-oh! | :'''Amy''': ''[The whirlwind whips faster revealing Bender and Amy. The tornado stops and they fall to the floor, still kissing.]'' Uh-oh! | ||
:'''Farnsworth''': What's going on here? | :'''Farnsworth''': What's going on here? | ||
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:'''Hermes''': Yeah, when the lights go out, it's nobody's business what happens between two consenting adults. | :'''Hermes''': Yeah, when the lights go out, it's nobody's business what happens between two consenting adults. | ||
:'''Zoidberg''': Or one! | :'''Zoidberg''': Or one! | ||
:'''Amy''': Thanks, guys. Everything will be okay just as long as my parents don't find out. | :'''Amy''': Thanks, guys. Everything will be okay just as long as [[Amy's parents|my parents]] don't find out. | ||
:'''Farnsworth''': ''Joi gin.'' ''[He begins whistling innocently and walks to the door. A doorbell rings. He opens it. Leo and Inez are there.]'' | :'''Farnsworth''': ''Joi gin.'' ''[He begins whistling innocently and walks to the door. A doorbell rings. He opens it. Leo and Inez are there.]'' | ||
:'''Amy''': Mom? Dad? | :'''Amy''': Mom? Dad? | ||
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:'''Leo''': Stop seducing him, you hussy! | :'''Leo''': Stop seducing him, you hussy! | ||
:'''Amy''': Dad, gleesh! I'm attracted to Bender, not his emotionless wine bucket! | :'''Amy''': Dad, gleesh! I'm attracted to Bender, not his emotionless wine bucket! | ||
:'''Wine | :'''Wine Bucket''': ''[A tear rolls down its face]'' Hopes deleted. | ||
:''['''Scene:''' Camp Rectifier. Praying on the weak since 2976.]'' | :''['''Scene:''' [[Camp Rectifier]]. Praying on the weak since [[2976]].]'' | ||
:'''Preacherbot''': Robotic brothers, the path to [[Robot Hell] is paved with human flesh. | :'''Preacherbot''': Robotic brothers, the path to [[Robot Hell] is paved with human flesh. | ||
:''[In addition to Bender, there is the | :''[In addition to Bender, there is the Hermaphrobot, [[Fatbot]], and an unknown robot]'' | ||
:'''Bender''': Neat! | :'''Bender''': Neat! | ||
:'''Preacherbot''': Over the course of this escape-proof workshop, your software will be reprogrammed through prayer. And by some tech support guys in India. | :'''Preacherbot''': Over the course of this escape-proof workshop, your software will be reprogrammed through prayer. And by some tech support guys in India. | ||
:'''Unknown Robot''': But I read in ''Esqwired'' that some robots are hardwired to be robosexual. | :'''Unknown Robot''': But I read in ''Esqwired'' that some robots are hardwired to be robosexual. | ||
:'''Preacherbot''': Don't believe those lies, son! The one ones worth believing are the ones in the Bible. Can I get an "Amen"? | :'''Preacherbot''': Don't believe those lies, son! The one ones worth believing are the ones in the Bible. Can I get an "Amen"? | ||
:'''Hermaphrobot''': I'll take a-three-men, holla! | :'''[[Hermaphrobot]]''': I'll take a-three-men, holla! | ||
:''['''Scene:''' Wong Ranch. Amy is rocking on a porch swing.]'' | :''['''Scene:''' Wong Ranch. Amy is rocking on a porch swing.]'' | ||
:'''Inez''': Come on, Amy! Pick a male human already! ''[There is a line of men standing near the porch.]'' I want to be a grandmother nine months from five minutes from now. | :'''Inez''': Come on, Amy! Pick a male human already! ''[There is a line of men standing near the porch.]'' I want to be a grandmother nine months from five minutes from now. | ||
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:''['''Scene:''' Camp Rectifier]'' | :''['''Scene:''' Camp Rectifier]'' | ||
:'''Preacherbot''': ''[The campers and the Preacherbot are standing near some dummies of humans.]'' In this phase, you will literally wrestle with your demons. Your shapely, buxom, human demons. | :'''Preacherbot''': ''[The campers and the Preacherbot are standing near some dummies of humans.]'' In this phase, you will literally wrestle with your demons. Your shapely, buxom, human demons. | ||
:'''Fatbot''': Look at the rack on that one! I mean, that one on the rack! | :'''[[Fatbot]]''': Look at the rack on that one! I mean, that one on the rack! | ||
:'''Preacherbot''': ''[He blows a whistle and the campers each jump on a dummy and start fondling them.] Good! That's real good! ''[He wipes away some sweat.]'' Okay, everybody switch demons. No point sticking with just one demon. ''[The campers all switch dummies.]'' Now, work it hard! Harder! Till the sin explodes out of you! Mmmm. Mercy. Okay, Lord's work is done. Now, now, cuddle. Cuddle with your demons. | :'''Preacherbot''': ''[He blows a whistle and the campers each jump on a dummy and start fondling them.] Good! That's real good! ''[He wipes away some sweat.]'' Okay, everybody switch demons. No point sticking with just one demon. ''[The campers all switch dummies.]'' Now, work it hard! Harder! Till the sin explodes out of you! Mmmm. Mercy. Okay, Lord's work is done. Now, now, cuddle. Cuddle with your demons. | ||
:'''Bender''': Oh, Amy. I wonder where you are right now! | :'''Bender''': Oh, Amy. I wonder where you are right now! | ||
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:'''Amy''': Yes! Yes! | :'''Amy''': Yes! Yes! | ||
:''[Everyone else beside the Professor begins cheering]'' | :''[Everyone else beside the Professor begins cheering]'' | ||
:'''Farnsworth''': Oh, I just glad I didn't live to see this day! Wait a second, ''[He checks his pulse and hears only one beat]'' No! | :'''Farnsworth''': Oh, I'm just glad I didn't live to see this day! Wait a second, ''[He checks his pulse and hears only one beat]'' No! | ||
:'''Zoidberg''': ''[He is admiring Amy's ring]'' Such a stone. Is it real? ''[Amy pulls up Zoidberg's coat and uses the diamond to cut through Zoidberg's skin, revealing his internal organs.]'' Horray! | :'''Zoidberg''': ''[He is admiring Amy's ring]'' Such a stone. Is it real? ''[Amy pulls up Zoidberg's coat and uses the diamond to cut through Zoidberg's skin, revealing his internal organs.]'' Horray! | ||
:'''Farnsworth''': Horray denied! Need I remind you that robosexual marriage is illegal! | :'''Farnsworth''': Horray denied! Need I remind you that robosexual marriage is illegal! | ||
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:'''Hot Dog Stand:''' Nah, I'm just a pre-op transformer. | :'''Hot Dog Stand:''' Nah, I'm just a pre-op transformer. | ||
:'''Amy''' ''[on stage]'' Thank you for coming, everyone. We're all having some good, clean fun here. | :'''Amy''' ''[on stage]'' Thank you for coming, everyone. We're all having some good, clean fun here. | ||
:'''[[Hedonism Bot]]''' ''[In a bondage outfit]'' Squeaky, squishy clean! ''[The Hot Dog Stand vomits hot dogs on Hedonism Bot.]'' | :'''[[Hedonism Bot]]''' ''[In a bondage outfit]'' Squeaky, squishy clean! ''[The Hot Dog Stand vomits hot dogs on [[Hedonism Bot]].]'' | ||
:'''Amy''': But it's time to discuss a pressing issue, the right to marry who, or what, we want! ''[The crowd cheers]'' | :'''Amy''': But it's time to discuss a pressing issue, the right to marry who, or what, we want! ''[The crowd cheers]'' | ||
:'''Bender''': Every other couple has the right to marry, robot and fembot, ''[Cut to the [[Donbot]] and [[Fanny]],'' man and woman, ''[Pan to [[Pauly Shore]] and [[Michelle]],'' man and man ''[Pan to [[Randy]], his partner, and their poodle.]'' | :'''Bender''': Every other couple has the right to marry, robot and fembot, ''[Cut to the [[Donbot]] and [[Fanny]],'' man and woman, ''[Pan to [[Pauly Shore]] and [[Michelle]],'' man and man ''[Pan to [[Randy Munchnik]], [[Soupy|his partner]], and their poodle.]'' | ||
:'''Randy''': Our poodle has ''two'' daddies. | :'''Randy''': Our poodle has ''two'' daddies. | ||
:'''Bender''': Interracial, ''[Pan to two aliens who are half-black and half-white]'', Interplanetary, ''[Pan to a blob and a woman]'', even ghost and horse, ''[a ghost is floating nearby with a horse inside its body]'' but not robot and human. | :'''Bender''': Interracial, ''[Pan to two aliens who are half-black and half-white]'', Interplanetary, ''[Pan to a blob and a woman]'', even ghost and horse, ''[a ghost is floating nearby with a horse inside its body]'' but not robot and human. | ||
Line 222: | Line 222: | ||
:'''Amy''': That's why we're introducing this ballot initiative to legalize robosexual marriage. | :'''Amy''': That's why we're introducing this ballot initiative to legalize robosexual marriage. | ||
:''[The crowd cheers]'' | :''[The crowd cheers]'' | ||
:'''Bender''': If you hate intolerance and begin punched in the face by me, please support Proposition Infinity! | :'''Bender''': If you hate intolerance and begin punched in the face by me, please support [[Proposition ∞|Proposition Infinity]]! | ||
:''[A montage of campaign efforts. Amy pins a button to an alien. He is popped by the button and floats away. Bender puts tile graffiti on URL's back and get hit. The crew holds a sign that reads "Stand up for equality" while nearby the Professor, [[Hattie]] and two others have a sign that reads, "Fall down and be unable to get up for traditional marriage".]'' | :''[A montage of campaign efforts. Amy pins a button to an alien. He is popped by the button and floats away. Bender puts tile graffiti on URL's back and get hit. The crew holds a sign that reads "Stand up for equality" while nearby the Professor, [[Hattie]] and two others have a sign that reads, "Fall down and be unable to get up for traditional marriage".]'' | ||
:''['''Scene:''' √2 News broadcast. | :''['''Scene:''' √2 News broadcast. | ||
:'''Linda''': ''[on TV]'' As election day nears, prop infinity seems doomed to certain defeat. | :'''Linda''': ''[on TV]'' As election day nears, prop infinity seems doomed to certain defeat. | ||
:'''Morbo''': ''[on TV]'' Doomed! | :'''Morbo''': ''[on TV]'' Doomed! | ||
:'''Linda''': ''[on TV]'' More fair and balanced coverage after a word from our sponsor, No on Infinity | :'''Linda''': ''[on TV]'' More fair and balanced coverage after a word from our sponsor, No on Infinity. | ||
:''[A Parody of the National Organization for Marriage's ad begins. Storm clouds roll in.]'' | :''[A Parody of the National Organization for Marriage's ad begins. Storm clouds roll in.]'' | ||
:'''Actor 1''': A storm is gathering. | :'''Actor 1''': A storm is gathering. | ||
:'''Actor 2''': A storm of robosexual marriage that will rain down on us like fire. | :'''Actor 2''': A storm of robosexual marriage that will rain down on us like fire. | ||
:'''Actor 1''': It's probably a firestorm. | :'''Actor 1''': It's probably a firestorm. | ||
:'''Actress''': If robosexual marriage | :'''Actress''': If robosexual marriage becomes legal, imagine the horrible things that will happen to our children, then imagine we said those things, since we couldn't think of any. As a mother, those things worry me. | ||
:'''Man''' ''[Voice over]'' Vote No on Infinity. Paid for by the Farnsworth | :'''Man''' ''[Voice over]'' Vote No on Infinity. Paid for by the [[Farnsworth Foundation]]. | ||
:''['''Scene:''' Planet Express Lounge.]'' | :''['''Scene:''' Planet Express Lounge.]'' | ||
:'''Amy''': We can't compete against that much stock footage of clouds! We're boned! | :'''Amy''': We can't compete against that much stock footage of clouds! We're boned! | ||
:'''Bender''': But we still have one hope, my big televised debate! I'm our A in the hole! | :'''Bender''': But we still have one hope, my big televised debate! I'm our A in the hole! | ||
:'''Fry''': Professor, who's debating for your side? | :'''Fry''': Professor, who's debating for your side? | ||
:'''Farnsworth''': Oh that guy, you know, I forget his name. | :'''Farnsworth''': Oh, that guy, you know, I forget his name. | ||
:''['''Scene:''' Debate Hall]'' | :''['''Scene:''' Debate Hall]'' | ||
:'''Farnsworth''': ''[Pointing to a live image of himself on a television screen.]'' That's him! | :'''Farnsworth''': ''[Pointing to a live image of himself on a television screen.]'' That's him! | ||
:'''[[George Takei]]: Good evening, I'm George Takei's head and neck, your host for tonight's debate. You may applaud. ''[The crowd does.]'' We flipped a coin before the debate and Bender stole it, so we'll start with him. | :'''[[George Takei's head]]: Good evening, I'm George Takei's head and neck, your host for tonight's debate. You may applaud. ''[The crowd does.]'' We flipped a coin before the debate and Bender stole it, so we'll start with him. | ||
:'''Bender''': Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I... Oops. Sorry, force of habit. I support this proposition because I love a goopy, flesh-and-blood woman, and not surprisingly, she loves me. This is a simple matter of justice, which I'm not normally for. So, please, vote yes. After all, our love isn't any different than yours, except | :'''Bender''': Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I... Oops. Sorry, force of habit. I support this proposition because I love a goopy, flesh-and-blood woman, and not surprisingly, she loves me. This is a simple matter of justice, which I'm not normally for. So, please, vote yes. After all, our love isn't any different than yours, except it's hotter, 'cause I'm involved. | ||
:''[The crowd cheers and applauds]'' | :''[The crowd cheers and applauds]'' | ||
:'''Takei''': I haven't heard such an eloquent speech since [[William Shatner|Bill Shatner]] explained why he couldn't pay me back. Rebuttal, Professor? | :'''Takei''': I haven't heard such an eloquent speech since [[William Shatner|Bill Shatner]] explained why he couldn't pay me back. Rebuttal, Professor? | ||
:'''Farnsworth''': This $4 coffee pot talks about love, but what he describes is perversion. | :'''Farnsworth''': This $4 coffee pot talks about love, but what he describes is perversion. | ||
:'''Bender''': You wouldn't know perversion if it put clamps on your testicles! You're just jealous, 'cause you've never known true love. | :'''Bender''': You wouldn't know perversion if it put clamps on your testicles! You're just jealous, 'cause you've never known true love. | ||
:'''Farnsworth''': Oh, no? Back when I was full of piss and vinegar, and my bed wasn't, I fell in love with the sweetest girl to ever skip through a field of posies. ''[Flashback to a younger Professor and Eunice skipping through posies.]'' Her name was Eunice, and we spent our blissful days working in a lab, developing a poison to wipe out that dreadful posy infestation. ''[Farnsworth handes Eunice some posies and she drips poison on them. They wilt. The Professor and Eunice kiss.]'' I thought our love would last forever. But then, 43 years later she left me ''[Eunice is in bed with a robot.]'' for a robot | :'''Farnsworth''': Oh, no? Back when I was full of piss and vinegar, and my bed wasn't, I fell in love with the sweetest girl to ever skip through a field of posies. ''[Flashback to a younger Professor and Eunice skipping through posies.]'' Her name was Eunice, and we spent our blissful days working in a lab, developing a poison to wipe out that dreadful posy infestation. ''[Farnsworth handes Eunice some posies and she drips poison on them. They wilt. The Professor and Eunice kiss.]'' I thought our love would last forever. But then, 43 years later, she left me ''[Eunice is in bed with a robot.]'' for a robot! ''[End flashback]'' How could she do that to me, her Farnypoo? | ||
:'''Amy''': That's it? You hate robosexual 'cause your girlfriend left you for a robot? | :'''Amy''': That's it? You hate robosexual 'cause your girlfriend left you for a robot? | ||
:'''Farnsworth''': She didn't just leave me for a robot. She ''was'' a robot! ''[The crowd gasps.]]'' Oh, God! Her name wasn't Eunice, it was Unit! Unit 47. ''[The same flower scene plays but Eunice is replaced with [[Unit 47]].]'' My heart was broken, and like a bitter, old picklepuss, I took my anger out on robosexuals everywhere. I'm so | :'''Farnsworth''': She didn't just leave me for a robot. She ''was'' a robot! ''[The crowd gasps.]]'' Oh, God! Her name wasn't Eunice, it was Unit! [[Unit 47]]. ''[The same flower scene plays but Eunice is replaced with [[Unit 47]].]'' My heart was broken, and like a bitter, old picklepuss, I took my anger out on robosexuals everywhere. I'm so ashamed! At the risk of losing this debate, I beg you, support Proposition Infinity. ''[The crowd cheers]'' | ||
:'''Bender''': Give me a hug. ''[He jumps the Professor]'' | :'''Bender''': Give me a hug. ''[He jumps the Professor]'' | ||
:'''Takei''': I, too, am hugging them in spirit. And now, they're hugging me back ''Oh, my!'' | :'''George Takei's head''': I, too, am hugging them in spirit. And now, they're hugging me back. ''Oh, my!'' | ||
:''['''Scene:''' Planet Express Lounge. The crew are watching TV.] | :''['''Scene:''' Planet Express Lounge. The crew are watching TV.] | ||
:'''Linda''': ''[on TV]'' In a stunning turnout, voters have approved Proposition Infinity. Robosexual marriage is now legal. | :'''Linda''': ''[on TV]'' In a stunning turnout, voters have approved Proposition Infinity. Robosexual marriage is now legal. | ||
Line 259: | Line 259: | ||
:'''Bender''': Woo-hoo! Yeah! ... Monogamous? ''[Cut to Bender on a beach with two hookerbots]'' | :'''Bender''': Woo-hoo! Yeah! ... Monogamous? ''[Cut to Bender on a beach with two hookerbots]'' | ||
:''[Cut back to Planet Express]'' | :''[Cut back to Planet Express]'' | ||
:'''[Radio Announcer]''' And now, a long-distance dedication from a squishy, green bad boy to his pink pork dumpling. ''[A motercycle revs outside. Kif is driving and wearing a leather jacket, sunglasses and boots.]'' At number 12, it's | :'''[Radio Announcer]''' And now, a long-distance dedication from a squishy, green bad boy to his pink pork dumpling. ''[A motercycle revs outside. Kif is driving and wearing a leather jacket, sunglasses and boots.]'' At number 12, it's [[Wailing Fungus]] with "Shut Up and Love Me" | ||
:''[As the song plays, Kif and Amy ride off into the sunset.]'' | :''[As the song plays, Kif and Amy ride off into the sunset.]'' | ||
:''' | |||
:''[Closing Credits.]'' | |||
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Revision as of 22:47, 6 March 2011
← Previous | Navigation in production order | Next → |
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Transcript for | |
Proposition Infinity | |
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Written by | Michael Rowe |
Transcribed by | Kifcroaker Teyrn of Highever |
- [Opening Credits: Dictated But Not Read.]
- [Scene: Amy's apartment. Kif and Amy are watching Channel √2 News.]
- Linda: [on TV] We now go live to our eye-in-the-sky hovercopter on the scene of that terrible hovercopter crash. Jim?
- Jim [on TV] [Still in the burning hovercopter.] The scene is not good, Linda. I've just learned that my last words were: back to you, Linda.
- Linda: [on TV] [She laughs] One for the blooper reel.
- Kif: The news is so violent. Let's watch Rachael Ray instead. No, wait. There might be chopping.
- Amy: God, what a wuss. Stop being such a spineless jellyfish.
- Kif: You know full well that I am more closely related to the sea cucumber.
- Amy: Not where it counts.
- Morbo: [on TV] I hated Jim! In other news, our city's urine-soaked walls have been desicrated by a mysterious tile-work graffiti artist.
- Linda: [on TV] Police have not idea who is behind this innovative scourge of public art.
- [On the TV, an example of the graffiti is shown. It looks like Bender]
- ['Scene: New New York street. Bender is lowering himself using cables.
- Bender [He chuckles maliciously and spreads grout onto a wall. He then makes a tile version of his head] That is one sexy bridge abutment.
- [Time lapse. Bender is putting tile graffiti in various places. A hoverbus stop, a Richard Nixon "Despair" poster (parodying the Barack Obama "Hope" poster) and a tube transport station. At a freeway, Bender graffitis part of a sign so that it now reads "Free Corn" instead of "Freeway Ends At Corner"]
- Hyper-Chicken: Free corn? That'll suit me just fine. [He crashes his hovercar and crows loudly]
- [Bender is still putting graffiti on various buildings.]
- Bender: The key is knowing precisely where to strike. [The last building turns out to be URL's back] Oops!
- URL: Well, well. Time to beat him his rights. [He and Smitty take out their lightsabers and being hitting Bender.]
- Smitty: You know, that don't look half bad on your buttocks.
- URL: It does kinda class-up the place.
- [Pan over the streets of New New York. A clock nearby changes from 3:59 to 4:00]
- Clock: The time is 4 am.
- [Scene: Amy's apartment]
- Amy: We've been arguing all night, Kif. Can't we go to bed?
- Kif: Is that all you ever think about? I'm not just some piece of tofu, Amy. I need to know where we stand in our relationship.
- Amy: We're just going through a rough patch.
- Kif: It is not a patch. It's been ages, according to your wildly inappropriate "Hunk of the Month" calender.
- [He points to a calender with a male model wearing only a pair of briefs and holding a saxophone]]]
- Todd: Thanks, babe. Also, today is Canadian Independence Day. [He plays a tune]
- [Burping is heard. The phone displays an incoming call sign]
- Amy: Oh, that's Bender's ringtone. I recognize the smell. Hello? [Bender's picture is displayed over the phone]
- Bender: Yo, Amy, I'm in the slammer.
- Amy: Oh, no!
- Bender: That's enough lip from you, moneybags. Just get 5 grand an bail me out.
- Amy: I don't have that kind of money laying around.
- Bender: Yeah, you do. You know that floor safe where you keep 10 grand? There's 5 grand in there. Don't make me wait!
- [Scene: Will Riker's Island, prison interior. Bender, Roberto and other criminals are in a cell.]
- Roberto: [He walks up to Bender. He is holding a sock] Hey, Bender. Ever kill a man with a sock? It ain't so hard. Ha-HAA. [He stabs at Bender]
- Bender: I better carve a shiv for protection. [He pulls out a stick and a switchblade. He starts whittling down the stick into a crude knife]
- URL: [He opens the cell door. Kif and Amy are with him.] Rodríguez! These two brothers bailed your ass out.
- Bender: Oh! Thank God. [He hugs Kif, causing his head to inflate] Tell me, have things changed on the outside. Is food finally in pill form? What about pills? Are they in food form?
- Larry the Murder Burglar: [To Amy] Hey, hot stuff. I'm Larry the Murder Burglar.
- Amy: Hi, Larry. I like your tattoos.
- Kif: Amy, that man's a criminal!
- Amy: I was just checking out his tats. [She looks at a tattoo of Larry jumping out of a house window then lighting it with a molotov cocktail. It explodes.] Sneato! I have one of my mom. Wanna see?
- Larry the Murder Burglar: Sure.
- [Amy shows him the tattoo on her butt. Kif stutters incoherently.]
- [A clerk is handing Bender back everything that was confiscated from him: a hat, a full roast chicken and an accordion]
- Kif: [To Amy] I just don't understand why you have to flirt with every bad boy in sight.
- Amy: Quit exaggerating.
- [A criminal that Smitty and URL are escorting gets loose. He steals a lightsaber and holds it to Amy's throat.]
- Criminal: Nobody move, or sweet cheeks here gets it!
- Amy: [Giggling] Oh! You're bad!
- URL: [He performs the Vulcan Neck Pinch on the criminal] Momma said, Spock you out!
- Kif: That's it, Amy. Pardon my language, but I have had it with you ruffling my petticoats. You and I are through. [He walks off. Amy looks heartbroken.]
- Bender: [He is holding the accordion.] Aw! Here's a little song I wrote to cheer you up. It's called, [singing] Let's go already!
- [Scene: Forbidden Planet Hollywood. Where tourists come to mingle with tourists]
- [Pan over the various exhibits, from Chewbacca's feet to Iron Man's underpants, Elvis' pelvis and Calculon's agent.]
- [Bender, Fry, Leela and Amy are seated at a table]
- Leela: Here's to Amy, single, lonely, and fabulous.
- Amy: Thanks everybody. Looks like I'm back in the game.
- Bender: Yeah, the game of Old Maid. [He laughs]]
- Security woman: Excuse me, sir, are those yours? [Bender is wearing Chewbacca's feet]
- Bender: You're damn right. And, before you ask, this is mine too. [He opens his chest cabinet revealing Lassie. She barks]
- Fry: Tough break, Amy. Are you and Kif getting divorced?
- Amy: No. Technically we were Fonfon rus, so we weren't really married.
- Bender: Wow! The interesting thing about that is [He starts snoring]
- Leela: So, Amy, how can I phrase this delicately? Why did Kif dump you like a sack of yesterday's turds?
- Amy: He says I have a thing for bad boys. It's so stupid.
- Bender: The truth is often stupid. [He blows smoke in her face and sprinkles her with ash]
- Amy: Bender, why do you have to be so mean to me?
- Bender: Shut up, baby, you love it.
- Amy: Don't tell me to shut up! You know what happened to the last guy that told me to shut up?
- Bender: What?
- [Scene: Amy's apartment]
- Amy: [In bed with Bender] That was great.
- Bender: Shut up. [Amy climbs on top of him and they start kissing] Come over here.
- [Scene: Tube Transport System. Bender and Amy are talking]
- Amy Remember, love between a human and a robot is taboo. [She takes a brush from Bender's cabinet and fixes her hair.] We can't tell anyone, not even our co-workers.
- Bender: Got it. I'll show the utmost discretion as we get nasty in this glass tube. [They begin kissing]
- [Scene: Planet Express Meeting room. The crew is sitting around the table. Hermes looks sick]
- Hermes: I think I'm coming down with circusitis. [He sneezes and his face gets traditional clown fare: make-up, rainbow wig, and rubber nose.]]
- Leela: I thought circusitis only affected children.
- Hermes: Children of all ages.
- Zoidberg: Bender, old friend. What's on your face?
- Bender: [He has a lipstick mark on his face. He covers it up.] Uh. Blood. You know, from shaving of the face-beard.
- Fry: Amy, are those gear imprints on your sweatpants?
- Amy: Uh, maybe. So what?
- Fry: I only brought it up because Bender is wearing them.
- Bender: [He clears his throat] Uh, I stole them from her. Yeah, that's it, call the cops.
- Hermes: Oh, my swollen feet. He takes his feet out of the tub of water. They have turned into clown shoes] I better take my pills. [He opens the container and rubber springs fly out]
- [Scene: NNY street]
- Bender: Amy, I reckon sweet talk don't come natural to me, but of everyone I've ever dated, you are probably in the top ten.
- Amy: Aw, you always say just the wrong thing in just the right way. [They kiss]
- Preacherbot: Sinners! Robosexuality is an abomination!
- Bender: Oy, this guy.
- Preacherbot: The good book sayeth a robot shall not lie down with a human, nor do it standing up, nor any angle in between.
- [A crowd has formed. They agree with the Preacherbot]
- Bender: Look! A single mother! Let's get her! [The crowd runs off]
- [Bender and Amy walk off]
- [Scene: Planet Express ship basement.]
- Farnsworth: Quickly, into the ship's basement! [Dr. Zoidberg scrambles into the basement and closes the door behind him. Everyone else is already there.] Now, then, as you all know, the county fair is approaching once again, so I'm preparing my entry of pickled winds and weathers. [Pan over the individual jars of weather] I've got sunny, snow flurry, hail with onions, even my grandmother's cranberry-raisin typhoon, but no tornado. I'll be damned if I let Mrs. Girdleson take the blue ribbon again. [He opens some blinds revealing a farmhouse being blown away in a typhoon, it has Bender's graffiti on it.] That's why I need you folks to get out there and harvest a nice ripe one. This cattle prod should help.
- Leela: How is that? [She gets zapped by the prod and screams]
- Farnsworth:: Get out there!
- [Scene: Planet Tornadus. The crew are situated around a tornado. They are using jet packs and a device to extract the tornado.]
- Leela: Is everybody in position?
- Amy: What?
- Zoidberg: Is someone talking?
- Leela: Okay, good. On three. One.
- Hermes: What did she say?
- Leela: Two.
- Bender: Wait, I'm not in position. [He is being blown around by the winds]
- Leela: Three.
- Zoidberg: I'm ready for the countdown.
- Leela: I'm not hearing anyone! Abort mission!
- Fry: She said, "Go!"
- [Everyone begins shooting wildly at the tornado.]
- [Scene: Planet Express Ship basement]
- Farnsworth: Good work, everyone. [A tornado has someone been shoved into a large tube. It is attached to a pickle jar by a hose.]
- Leela: Honestly, that went better than I expected.
- Farnsworth: I just need to reduce it down into this pickle jar, toss in a bay leaf to impress those stupid judges. [He puts the leaf into the pickle jar.]
- Fry: Hey, where's Amy and Bender.
- Zoidberg: They're missing out on some hot pickle action. [He licks his mouth flaps.]
- [The Professor presses a button and turns a switch on his machine. The tornado is being decanted into the pickle jar. Bender and Amy can be heard giggling.]
- Hermes: Sounds like a muskrat's caught in there.
- [Amy's sweatshirt whips around in the tornado.]
- Leela: That's Amy's sweatshirt!
- [Bender's hat appears]
- Fry: And that's Bender's hat from the Player's ball!
- Hermes: Sweet tornadoes of Barbados! Bender and Amy have been torn to shreds!
- Farnsworth: [He presses a few more buttons and more of Bender's and Amy's things appear in the whirlwind.] Oh, the humanity! Also Bender!
- Amy: [The whirlwind whips faster revealing Bender and Amy. The tornado stops and they fall to the floor, still kissing.] Uh-oh!
- Farnsworth: What's going on here?
- Bender: Uh. [He antenna recedes.] Nothing.
- [Scene: Planet Express Meeting room. Everyone except the Professor is sitting. The Professor is pacing back and forth.
- Farnsworth: A pair of deviant robosexuals. Not under my roof!
- Bender: What about on the roof?
- Farnsworth: Get your mind out of the gutter!
- Bender: What about in the gutter?
- Leela: Professor, there is nothing wrong with robosexuality.
- Hermes: Yeah, when the lights go out, it's nobody's business what happens between two consenting adults.
- Zoidberg: Or one!
- Amy: Thanks, guys. Everything will be okay just as long as my parents don't find out.
- Farnsworth: Joi gin. [He begins whistling innocently and walks to the door. A doorbell rings. He opens it. Leo and Inez are there.]
- Amy: Mom? Dad?
- Leo: Come home, Amy. It your decision. We can't make you. [He pulls out a lasso and lassos Amy] Atta girl!
- [The Professor closes his cellphone again and begins whistling]
- Bender: Uh-oh! not the innocent whistling!
- Preacherbot: [The doorbell rings and the Preacherbot is there] Repent!
- Bender: Oy, this guy. [A magnet attaches to his chest cabinet and he is dragged off.]
- [Scene: Wong Ranch. No Brokebacking]
- Inez: Look, we're your family. And if you can't talk about your problems with us, that would be great.
- Amy: I don't have a problem! I'm in a happy relationship that just happens to be robosex-
- Leo: [Cutting across her.] You finish that word, you kill your parents.
- Wine Bucket: Low wine level detected. [He fills Amy's glass]
- Amy: Thank you.
- Leo: Stop seducing him, you hussy!
- Amy: Dad, gleesh! I'm attracted to Bender, not his emotionless wine bucket!
- Wine Bucket: [A tear rolls down its face] Hopes deleted.
- [Scene: Camp Rectifier. Praying on the weak since 2976.]
- Preacherbot: Robotic brothers, the path to [[Robot Hell] is paved with human flesh.
- [In addition to Bender, there is the Hermaphrobot, Fatbot, and an unknown robot]
- Bender: Neat!
- Preacherbot: Over the course of this escape-proof workshop, your software will be reprogrammed through prayer. And by some tech support guys in India.
- Unknown Robot: But I read in Esqwired that some robots are hardwired to be robosexual.
- Preacherbot: Don't believe those lies, son! The one ones worth believing are the ones in the Bible. Can I get an "Amen"?
- Hermaphrobot: I'll take a-three-men, holla!
- [Scene: Wong Ranch. Amy is rocking on a porch swing.]
- Inez: Come on, Amy! Pick a male human already! [There is a line of men standing near the porch.] I want to be a grandmother nine months from five minutes from now.
- Amy: Cut it out, Mom! I'm not interesting in any of these gross, ugly losers.
- Fry: [Walking up] What about this gross, ugly, smelly loser?
- Leo: Fry! What you doing here?
- Fry: I'm here to rescue Amy, uh... from here robosexual desires. [He winks.]
- Amy: If I understand you correctly, I've seen the error of my ways? [She winks back.]
- Leop: Look at that awkward winking.
- Inez: It must be love. [Fry and Amy walk off]
- [Scene: Planet Express ship]
- Amy: My parents may be evil, but at least their stupid.
- [Scene: Camp Rectifier]
- Preacherbot: [The campers and the Preacherbot are standing near some dummies of humans.] In this phase, you will literally wrestle with your demons. Your shapely, buxom, human demons.
- Fatbot: Look at the rack on that one! I mean, that one on the rack!
- Preacherbot: [He blows a whistle and the campers each jump on a dummy and start fondling them.] Good! That's real good! [He wipes away some sweat.] Okay, everybody switch demons. No point sticking with just one demon. [The campers all switch dummies.] Now, work it hard! Harder! Till the sin explodes out of you! Mmmm. Mercy. Okay, Lord's work is done. Now, now, cuddle. Cuddle with your demons.
- Bender: Oh, Amy. I wonder where you are right now!
- Amy: I'm inside the dummy to rescue you.
- Bender: That answers that. Wait... Amy? [He begins kissing the demon]
- Leela: [Fry and Leela can be heard groaning] Bender, be careful!
- Bender: Fry? Leela? You're in there, too? Blech.
- Zoidberg: I guess we should have waited in the ship.
- [Scene: Planet Express meeting room. Bender and Amy are kissing.]
- Bender: Listen up, everybody, I love Amy and I'm tired of pussyfootcupping around! I finally found someone I want to spend the rest of her life with. Amy, [He lowers his body and pulls a ring out of his chest cabinet. It has a tag that says exhibit A.] will you marry me?
- Amy: Yes! Yes!
- [Everyone else beside the Professor begins cheering]
- Farnsworth: Oh, I'm just glad I didn't live to see this day! Wait a second, [He checks his pulse and hears only one beat] No!
- Zoidberg: [He is admiring Amy's ring] Such a stone. Is it real? [Amy pulls up Zoidberg's coat and uses the diamond to cut through Zoidberg's skin, revealing his internal organs.] Horray!
- Farnsworth: Horray denied! Need I remind you that robosexual marriage is illegal!
- Leela: Not in Space Massachusetts.
- Bender: You mean Space-tax-achusetts. No chance, stretch pants! We're gonna fight to legalize it right here!
- Hermes: Yeah, man! You got to legalize it!
- Amy: We're talking about robosexual marriage.
- Hermes: We're talking about lots of stuff.
- [Scene: Gearwhich Village Pride Parade. Fry is eating a hot dog.]
- [The Hot Dog Stand grows limbs and a head.]
- Fry: Cool! Can you turn into a race car?
- Hot Dog Stand: Nah, I'm just a pre-op transformer.
- Amy [on stage] Thank you for coming, everyone. We're all having some good, clean fun here.
- Hedonism Bot [In a bondage outfit] Squeaky, squishy clean! [The Hot Dog Stand vomits hot dogs on Hedonism Bot.]
- Amy: But it's time to discuss a pressing issue, the right to marry who, or what, we want! [The crowd cheers]
- Bender: Every other couple has the right to marry, robot and fembot, [Cut to the Donbot and Fanny, man and woman, [Pan to Pauly Shore and Michelle, man and man [Pan to Randy Munchnik, his partner, and their poodle.]
- Randy: Our poodle has two daddies.
- Bender: Interracial, [Pan to two aliens who are half-black and half-white], Interplanetary, [Pan to a blob and a woman], even ghost and horse, [a ghost is floating nearby with a horse inside its body] but not robot and human.
- [The crowd boos]
- Amy: That's why we're introducing this ballot initiative to legalize robosexual marriage.
- [The crowd cheers]
- Bender: If you hate intolerance and begin punched in the face by me, please support Proposition Infinity!
- [A montage of campaign efforts. Amy pins a button to an alien. He is popped by the button and floats away. Bender puts tile graffiti on URL's back and get hit. The crew holds a sign that reads "Stand up for equality" while nearby the Professor, Hattie and two others have a sign that reads, "Fall down and be unable to get up for traditional marriage".]
- [Scene: √2 News broadcast.
- Linda: [on TV] As election day nears, prop infinity seems doomed to certain defeat.
- Morbo: [on TV] Doomed!
- Linda: [on TV] More fair and balanced coverage after a word from our sponsor, No on Infinity.
- [A Parody of the National Organization for Marriage's ad begins. Storm clouds roll in.]
- Actor 1: A storm is gathering.
- Actor 2: A storm of robosexual marriage that will rain down on us like fire.
- Actor 1: It's probably a firestorm.
- Actress: If robosexual marriage becomes legal, imagine the horrible things that will happen to our children, then imagine we said those things, since we couldn't think of any. As a mother, those things worry me.
- Man [Voice over] Vote No on Infinity. Paid for by the Farnsworth Foundation.
- [Scene: Planet Express Lounge.]
- Amy: We can't compete against that much stock footage of clouds! We're boned!
- Bender: But we still have one hope, my big televised debate! I'm our A in the hole!
- Fry: Professor, who's debating for your side?
- Farnsworth: Oh, that guy, you know, I forget his name.
- [Scene: Debate Hall]
- Farnsworth: [Pointing to a live image of himself on a television screen.] That's him!
- George Takei's head: Good evening, I'm George Takei's head and neck, your host for tonight's debate. You may applaud. [The crowd does.] We flipped a coin before the debate and Bender stole it, so we'll start with him.
- Bender: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I... Oops. Sorry, force of habit. I support this proposition because I love a goopy, flesh-and-blood woman, and not surprisingly, she loves me. This is a simple matter of justice, which I'm not normally for. So, please, vote yes. After all, our love isn't any different than yours, except it's hotter, 'cause I'm involved.
- [The crowd cheers and applauds]
- Takei: I haven't heard such an eloquent speech since Bill Shatner explained why he couldn't pay me back. Rebuttal, Professor?
- Farnsworth: This $4 coffee pot talks about love, but what he describes is perversion.
- Bender: You wouldn't know perversion if it put clamps on your testicles! You're just jealous, 'cause you've never known true love.
- Farnsworth: Oh, no? Back when I was full of piss and vinegar, and my bed wasn't, I fell in love with the sweetest girl to ever skip through a field of posies. [Flashback to a younger Professor and Eunice skipping through posies.] Her name was Eunice, and we spent our blissful days working in a lab, developing a poison to wipe out that dreadful posy infestation. [Farnsworth handes Eunice some posies and she drips poison on them. They wilt. The Professor and Eunice kiss.] I thought our love would last forever. But then, 43 years later, she left me [Eunice is in bed with a robot.] for a robot! [End flashback] How could she do that to me, her Farnypoo?
- Amy: That's it? You hate robosexual 'cause your girlfriend left you for a robot?
- Farnsworth: She didn't just leave me for a robot. She was a robot! [The crowd gasps.]] Oh, God! Her name wasn't Eunice, it was Unit! Unit 47. [The same flower scene plays but Eunice is replaced with Unit 47.] My heart was broken, and like a bitter, old picklepuss, I took my anger out on robosexuals everywhere. I'm so ashamed! At the risk of losing this debate, I beg you, support Proposition Infinity. [The crowd cheers]
- Bender: Give me a hug. [He jumps the Professor]
- George Takei's head: I, too, am hugging them in spirit. And now, they're hugging me back. Oh, my!
- [Scene: Planet Express Lounge. The crew are watching TV.]
- Linda: [on TV] In a stunning turnout, voters have approved Proposition Infinity. Robosexual marriage is now legal.
- Morbo: [on TV] What's next, gay robosexual marriage?
- [The crew cheers]
- Amy: We did it, honey! Finally, we can have a legal, monogamous marriage, like everyone else!
- Bender: Woo-hoo! Yeah! ... Monogamous? [Cut to Bender on a beach with two hookerbots]
- [Cut back to Planet Express]
- [Radio Announcer] And now, a long-distance dedication from a squishy, green bad boy to his pink pork dumpling. [A motercycle revs outside. Kif is driving and wearing a leather jacket, sunglasses and boots.] At number 12, it's Wailing Fungus with "Shut Up and Love Me"
- [As the song plays, Kif and Amy ride off into the sunset.]
- [Closing Credits.]
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